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Take a Vacation in Your Living Room

fearchange“A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.” Robert Orben

What I love about vacation is slowing down and disconnecting from the day to day tasks. Don’t get me wrong – I love to travel to new (and familiar) places, visit with friends and family, and enjoy unique tastes of all things delicious.

But when it comes down to it, peace and serenity is the experience I savor when on vacation.

Mmmmm….peace and serenity – a very popular item on the menu of life.

Many people crave this elusive state of mind. And for one reason or another, it is hard to satisfy the craving by taking vacations on a regular basis.

What if I told you that you could engage in the peace and calmness right in your living room?

I do, on a daily basis. It comes from a simple practice of meditation.

I know what you are thinking because I hear my clients say it often – “I can’t meditate.” I know for a fact that you can since I thought the same thing many years ago.

If you were to say, “I can’t meditate perfectly” or “My mind gets clouded by thoughts when I try to meditate”, I would agree with you there. But to say, I can’t meditate is an affirmation you are bringing true.

What I would like to offer you today is a new perspective on meditating.

First, it is a practice – a repeated exercise or activity to acquire or maintain proficiency in it.

Second, you cannot do it “wrong”. Just taking intentional time to sit and connect with your self is a plus.

Third, you do not have to meditate for hours on end. Beginning with 5 minutes a day and working your way to 30 minutes a day will reduce stress and increase serenity and clarity in your life.

All I ask is that you view the practice of meditation, which will help you reengage with the joy and passion in your life, in a new way.

May I present to you the meditation buffet – examples of a variety of meditations.

Try one, or two, and see which works best for you.

Zazen is the generic term for a seated meditation. It is a minimal kind of meditation where you sit with your back straight and connect with your breath.

Guided visualizations are a popular form of meditation that involves concentrating on an image. It is usually done listening to a recording

Qi gong is a form of moving meditation that uses the breath to circulate energy through the organs and energy centers in the body.

Heart Rhythm meditation is focused on the breath and heartbeat, making the breath full, deep, rhythmic and balanced. Attention is focused on the heart as the center of the energetic system.

A meditation practice is just that, practice. It takes time to get comfortable sitting and breathing and allowing your mind and body to slow down. The more you practice the easier it becomes.

Give yourself the gift of starting your day with intention and a simple meditation practice.  It is here that you will nurture the peace and serenity that you need to navigate through the journey of life.

I would love to hear about your experience with mediation. Click here and let me know what you enjoy from the buffet. Enjoy a side of peace and calm…

The Waterfall Secret

photo1How often do you find yourself in the flow?

According to Wikipedia, being in the flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does.

Today’s challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to uni-task. I know, here I go, making up words again. I am not sure if this one will end up in the new dictionary like selfie did this year, but what I do know is that the concept of doing one thing at a time will give you the feeling of flow.

The power and beauty of the waterfall pictured comes from its singular purpose of allowing overflow from rain or rivers to find a place to go. There are many types of waterfalls including ledge, horsetail and punchbowl. Each has its own focus. This photo is of the punchbowl at Eagle Creek in Portland, OR. We visited there on Monday. Water descends in a constricted form and then spreads out in a wider pool. We waded around in that pool—brrrrrrrr….cool and refreshing.

Try this – as you look at your list of things to do today, consciously choose one action at a time to perform. Allow yourself to give 100% of yourself to the activity and notice how you feel. The hardest part of this exercise will likely happen be when you are at your computer. After you’ve allowed yourself to immerse in the chosen activity, check in with yourself.  Was it more energizing to uni-task?  Also notice if you were able to finish the activity quicker and more efficiently. Click here to let us know how the uni-tasking is going.

In a world where so many feel like they never get anything done, uni-tasking is an opportunity to shift from overwhelm to accomplishment. If you enjoy it, do it again. It will likely be uncomfortable at first, yet according to Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, this single minded immersion helps us to flourish in service of performing and learning.

Utilize your energy like the punchbowl falls, let it run down quickly and then spread out to the activity you want to accomplish.  Then jump in and continue to enjoy your life.

Learn How A Monster Truck can help you Get Unstuck

monster truckHave you ever been channel surfing through the hundreds of cable television channels and found nothing to watch?  That recently happened to us, and then all of a sudden we landed on a monster truck race. I do not know why we stopped on that channel, but there was something fascinating about watching these giant vehicles move through the obstacle courses.

There was one truck called Green Ginger that wedged itself into a spot that seemed nearly impossible to get out of. It went back and forth – first gear-reverse, first gear-reverse, first gear-reverse and did not budge.

Watching this had me think about the times I have been stuck in my own life, where it seemed like no matter what I did, I could not get out of the “uncomfortably comfortable” place I was in. That could have been a reason I had such a hard time moving, because there was a level of comfort to my stuckness.  I would stay in that place until the perceived comfort  became uncomfortable.

It is a similar for my clients. They have been working at their job for many years, are successful in the terms that they are making a lot of money and have climbed the “corporate ladder”.

The big missing – they are bored and unfulfilled.

The worst part about this scenario is that it leads to overwhelm, which then has them feel much like the monster truck – stuck in the mud.

Life is way too short to lead an unfulfilled and boring life. The question is what do you do first when you feel stuck?

  1. First, admit that you are caught in the “hamster wheel”. As long as you deny feeling trapped or jammed, you will stay there. Once you can acknowledge you are indeed stuck, you can begin the process of becoming unstuck.
  2. As counter-intuitive as this may sound, this is the perfect time to raise your joy factor. Studies have shown that when people have more joy in their lives, their productivity and creativity increase. As you put your attention on flourishing, more options will open up for you.
  3. Find an activity or two that you really enjoy participating in. Make sure it has nothing to do with the area you feel stuck in. For instance, do you love to try new foods, but have not experimented in a while? Pick up the phone, call a friend and go visit the new restaurant in town. Typically it’s the little things that bring us the most joy. What is it for you?

These are the beginning steps to becoming unstuck and deliberately creating a life you are excited about living. I would love to hear what you do when you are feeling stuck.

I love words.

words to change your lifeThey are full of so much meaning. And because I have an MSU to “make shit up”, I weave words together to create scripts for what I want to create in my life.

Let’s take the word but. For a very long time, I have avoided using the word “but” as often as I can. Whenever I used that word, I felt it negated everything I said before it. “ I love you honey, but……”. “I love that new outfit, but…..” “This is so delicious, but…..” You get the picture.

Recently I began to view “but” in a whole new light.

People on the quest to flourish are often a bit more conscious about utilizing their thoughts to support deliberate creation of their desires. When they notice the negative messages they tell themselves, they change them.

A lot of my clients use affirmations to help them reframe their thinking. If they start to berate themselves about being unhealthy, they shift that limiting belief to a positive thought, such as “I am healthy. “

They use the new thought to shift neural pathways in their brain, and over time, begin to see themselves as healthy and begin to make healthier choices. This was the method I used to stop smoking cigarettes many years ago. Even when I was outside “enjoying” a smoke, I would tell myself that “I prefer health”. I would repeat that regularly. Over time, I smoked less and then eventually quit.

The thing with affirmations is that for some people, the new belief feels like a lie, so they have a problem saying it and believing it. The process is not always a success.

Here is where my new relationship with the word “but” comes in.

If it does negate what was said before, why not use the word “but” to negate the negative thought that we are making up anyway. Remember, all of our thoughts are made up, so we can manipulate them in any way we choose.

For example, If I wake up and am nervous about an upcoming speaking engagement, the inner dialogue may go like this – “I am so nervous about giving my new talk tonight, but I know that I’ve been nervous before and everything has worked out. I ‘ve practiced my talk and know that when I ‘ve shared it in the
past, I received great reviews. I ‘m nervous, but this is the perfect opportunity to share my message with this group that has invited me to support the success of their organization”

Can you see the power of “but” here? It negates the undesirable message I’m telling myself and assists me to build a new story to shift my limiting belief.

Using “but” to negate a restricting belief shifts the negativity and moves me more towards possibility.

We talk to ourselves on a regular basis, so why not use words in a way that move us closer to what we want to create, while enjoying the process?

Try it next time. Excuse me while I put some words in your mouth. You may be thinking, “I am not sure that will work for me, but it is worth a try to perform a simple action that will give me profound results.”

Something to Make you sSay ooohhhh and aaahhhh…

independance dayJuly Fourth—it’s not just about fireworks anymore!

Being that tomorrow’s the day we celebrate independence from England, why not make it the day you celebrate your independence from things that sap the joy right out of your days?

You know those niggly little distractions that are sources of frustration and stress for you. Those things that you continue to allow to take attention from the things that bring you the pleasure.

Yes, why not revel in the freedom from the things you are tolerating in your life – that unpaid bill, the broken lamp in the living room, or list of phone calls you have been meaning to return.

The benefits you receive from a simple act of cleaning out the kitchen junk drawer far outweigh the stress you receive every time you open that drawer to look for the checkbook – or maybe that’s just me!

In a world where so many are looking to be happier, more productive and more connected to what is important to them, it’s time to create the space to allow those things to manifest for you.

One way to feel lighter is to reduce the number of things you are lugging around that sap your energy.

First things first – name what you are tolerating!

When my mentor was sharing her frustration with having to move her power cord for her computer from room to room, I totally felt the stress that simple act could induce.

Having freedom from the little things that cause unnecessary stress can be as easy as ordering a new power cord, or two.

What do you want to stop tolerating in your life so you can have more time, energy and joy to not only accomplish the things you want to, but to also feel good while you are accomplishing them?

Here are 3 simple steps to release tolerations:

  1. Make a list of what you are tolerating, the things you have wanted to deal with, but keep putting off. Your list may include people, places, things, situations and feelings.
  2. Choose 1 thing you’ll remove off of your list in the next three days.
  3. Here’s the magic….actually perform the action to move this item from something you are tolerating, to something you are celebrating.

Imagine the benefits for reducing the amount of times you tell yourself, “I need to fix those shoes, call my aunt, clean my car or finish knitting that hat.”

You can then celebrate your independence from the negative effects of telling yourself that you are going to do something and not do it. Then there is space and freedom to fill your days with things that let you go ooohhhh and aaaahhhhhh… just like you will when you watch the fireworks show tomorrow.

I love helping people raise their Joy Factor and flourish. What do you love to do that for one reason or another you are not? If you are feeling stuck and don’t know how to flourish, then click here so we can have a conversation that will help you to flourish. Yes, a 45 minute conversation that is all about you and creating your independence from what is not working, so you can live a life you love!

Ode to Papa

photo(4)-50A common question these days – What is your purpose in life? Many people are on a quest to define it and achieve it.

This week had me ponder purpose and success in a whole new light.

Last Wednesday, my husband Matt’s granddaddy, Henry Watkins made his transition. He was 88 years old and very ready to be reunited with his family and God. This is something he has waited for his entire life.

As I listened to many talk about Henry, one thing came clear to me – Henry’s definition of success was what he could do to serve God. He was a member of his church for 71 years and played every role from Sunday school teacher to being the custodian of his place of worship. He touched many people’s lives as he lived his purpose.

This had me contemplate my commitment to my purpose of helping people to live a flourishing life. What came clear to me is I often complicate the process of living my purpose. I am sure I am the only one that does that – right?

A lot of people are going through their own version of transition—wanting to leave a part of their life behind and begin anew. If you are in this place and want to create change for yourself, try these steps, inspired by the late Henry Watkins.

His perspective on life was quite simple – know your purpose and do it every day, no matter what.

  1. Gain clarity about what your purpose is in life. If you do not know what it is, then try what you think it is. If it doesn’t feed your spirit – try something else. You will know you are aligned with your purpose when the majority of your life you are more grateful for what you have, than always wishing that things were different.
  1. Once you align with your purpose, start living it simply and clearly. So many people complicate their lives and careers, thinking that things have to be harder than they need to be. If your purpose is to be a healer, then start healing. If your purpose is to be a teacher, then begin teaching. The process is simple, we make the execution challenging.
  1. Roll with the punches. Life is guaranteed to hand us some things that are hard. This is where perspective comes in to the picture. You can choose how you look at the challenges in life. Is failure a problem or an opportunity to learn and grow? Your perspective on this will allow you to create the actions that will move you forward or keep you stuck – you choose.
  1. Move forward each day towards your purpose. It does not always have to be full steam ahead. One small item each day will help you to achieve the goals you want to achieve. If you want to build a successful business, one client at a time will get you there. If you want to build the next Apple computer, then working on it a little bit each day will get you farther than just thinking about what you are going to do. If you want your golf score to be under 80, swing the club regularly. Action begets action—keep moving.
  1. Last but not least, find a teacher or mentor to support you. We are all students in the School of Life. Papa’s teacher was God. Find someone who can support you in creating a life filled with purpose, fulfillment and joy.

If not now…..when?

There is something about losing someone close to you that has you reexamine what is important to you in life, what success is, what fulfillment is.

I invite you to benefit from my family’s loss by checking in and making sure your life is aligned with your purpose. And that you are using your mindset and inspired actions to support you in getting there.

Seeds of Intention

Wendy’s client Jan with her “seeds of intention.

Wendy’s client Jan with her “seeds of intention.

One of my favorite things about weekends is watching the Sunday Morning News show with a hot cup of coffee. Surprised?

For the many who have read my book or heard me speak, you know how adamant I am about not watching the local news. If you want to raise your Joy Factor, then watching and listening to a broadcast that focuses on robbery, missing persons, catastrophes and murders will not support that desire. On the contrary, watching this breeds negativity, paranoia and fear.

I’m not saying your head need be in the sand around current events.-that is what CNN is for. Our time is such a precious commodity that watching the local news is a waste of this valuable resource if you want to flourish!

No matter what stage you are in, climbing the corporate ladder, building a successful company or deciding what’s next for you in the form of success and fulfillment, one thing I know for is this – what we put our attention on expands.

Think about the last time you bought a new car. When I bought my Sebring convertible, I saw them everywhere. My attention was there and there they were.

There is a plethora of research and studies that show when you raise your Joy Factor, you will be more productive and creative. These are two important qualities to learn to integrate into your life if you are on the quest for success.

Today, I want to share one tip you can use to support you in accomplishing more and feeling good –

Pay attention to what you put your attention on. If you want more peace, joy and clarity in your life, then be mindful of what brings peace, joy and clarity. Here’s how:

  1. Take a few minutes each day to focus on what you’re grateful for. This can be as simple as each evening reflecting on your day. Think about what made you happy. You can write it down or visualize it. Find at least three things to be grateful for.
  2. If you’re a morning person, pre-pave the day with what you want to feel gratitude for. For example, if you are preparing for a conversation with a potential client or employer, see yourself achieving your intention. Allow yourself to feel the appreciation and excitement for things working out in your favor. If having a hard conversation with your partner or children is on the agenda, feel gratitude for your ability to express yourself with ease. This paves the way for a productive conversation.
  3. As you move through your day, take time to appreciate the little things that pass by in your busyness – savor the beauty that surrounds you. If you can’t see the beauty, create it by filling your house or office with something you love – photos of loved ones or fresh flowers.

You do have a choice about what you are thinking. You can choose to put your attention on what is not right in your life. If you choose this route and focus on what you don’t have, then you may receive more of that.

Weaving gratitude and appreciation into your life is a practice, the kind of practice that not only helps you to feel better in life, but also to accomplish more and have fun doing it.

Use the 3 step process above, stop watching the news and watch something that makes you feel good – maybe the Sunday Morning News show.

As Wayne Dyer says, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Every day I work with people that want change in their life. If you have this desire, but are not sure how to get there, click here to schedule your 45 minute virtual conversation and we’ll get your positivity practice started.

 

When Life Gives Us Lemons

lemonsOften, we hear when life gives us lemons, make lemonade. The lemons that show up in your life may include:

Not reaching your personal or professional goals

Illness or your body not performing like it once did

Losing your job

An important relationship ending

Having a challenging time navigating through changes in your life

Here is the thing. Life is going to hand us lemons every now and again. If you want to make really good lemonade you have to change the way you think about these situations.

Recently, a colleague shared with me that her husband had lost his job. Surely, not what you want to hear when you say, “how was your day dear?” He experienced the normal feelings that coincide with loss; worry, doubt, fear. However, it didn’t take him long to recover and shift his mindset to “this is going to be an adventure!”

Some may say he was tapping into the power of positive thinking. As a Joy Strategist this is a strategy I share with clients regularly.

It is often said that affirmations, the act of affirming what it is that you want to create, is the welcome mat to manifesting your desires. This practice works for many, yet not for all. Some have a hard time wrapping their mind around affirming something that’s not already present in their lives.

This is where Non-Negative thinking, changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you xperience the setbacks that life deals us, may work better.

With two dogs in the house, it is important to make sure all of the doors to rooms are closed when we leave, that removes any temptation for Abbey and Eli to do something they shouldn’t. Last Sunday, we ent out to meet friends and I forgot to close the door to my office upstairs. Being gone for six hours combined with an upset stomach of one of the doggies resulted in a very special “gift” left for us- not on the hardwood floors that cover the majority of the house, but in my office – with white carpet.

First I was upset that one of my doggies didn’t feel well. Then I proceeded to be angry at myself for not shutting the door. It only took about 7-8 minutes to recover and realize the way I was thinking about this situation was ruining a wonderful day. I stopped and consciously shifted my thoughts, got Matt to clean up the mess J and we eased through the rest of the weekend.

The next time life hands you lemons, here is your new recipe for lemonade:

1. Look at the lemons long enough to know what you need to do with them.

2. Feel whatever feelings you need to feel.

3. Consciously reframe what you are saying to yourself about the situation. No need to beat yourself up when a few lemons show up.

4. Pour over ice and enjoy—essentially do your best to chill out and roll with the punches.

I know this is easier said when done, however with practice, the act of non-negative thinking will become easier.

It is from this perspective that you can enjoy the juicy sweetness of life.

Now that’s delicious.

“If you want different results, you have to do things different”

photo-1When Jake was in the womb we would speak to my sister Lisa’s belly, “now pitching for the Atlanta Braves, Jake Lovvorn.” It’s not surprising he’s a hot-shot left handed pitcher, power hitter and rocking first base man. He’s played ball since he was old enough to hold the bat.

Fast forward seventeen years… he attends Tucker High School, and the past seasons were not so good for the baseball team. They finished darn close to last in the 2012-13 season.

Everything changed this year when Coach Byams joined the team. He lives the words, if you want different results, you have to do things different—my kind of guy!

He trained them differently and talked to them differently. A new level of respect was present.

The team had new goals and was held accountable to being their best selves.

Guess what happened?

They started winning games.

It was exciting. As a fan, we went from a handful of people in the stands, to people bringing their own chairs and staying for the whole game.

It was empowering to watch these boys show up differently. The only new thing…the coach.

I was giddy. I have always known the power of a great coach.

Here are the three things that great coaches do to help people be their best.

  1. They tap into their strengths, what they’re naturally good at doing. Think about it, when you put your time and attention performing tasks you’re good at, you naturally excel. If you are a coach, then it’s best for you to spend time coaching, not building your website. On the same not, if you are a website designer, you need not coach yourself to create your yearly strategic plan. If my clients are unclear about their strengths, there are a couple of wonderful assessments that I use. Once they are clear, they weave them into their days and enjoy confidence and accomplishment.
  1. They create measurable targets for their clients to reach. We have so much on our plates, thinking we need to complete everything yesterday can be overwhelming. When you break tasks into small steps that lead to measurable results, you’ll move towards your goal with increased ease. Whether you want to increase the speed of your fastball (Jakes goal) or you want to improve the speed it takes to convert a prospect to a client, there’s a simple formula you can use .

Clarity (where you are going) +incremental steps (break it down) +practice (create new habits) =
Successful Results (reaching your target!)

  1. A wonderful benefit that coaches, strategists and mentors provide is accountability. It’s human nature, when you tell someone else, besides yourself that you’ll accomplish something, the odds increase dramatically that you reach your goal. The success of programs like Weight Watchers comes from the weekly weigh-in, a powerful form of accountability. It helped me to lose forty pounds many years ago and keep it off!

What goals do you want to reach this year?

What impact would they make in your life?

Ponder what may be different if you had someone who had your back, clarified your goals, helped you create a plan and kept you accountable.

What would you be celebrating at this time next year? A 10% increase in your revenue? A healthier body or mind? Spending more time with family than at work?

You get to choose what your “homerun” is and I hope it is something that makes you feel like you are part of a winning team.

How about a Spring Fling to Boost your Success?

photoMy senses go wild this time of year. Everything in bloom is a feast for my eyes and the aromas are tantalizing. Eating corn, squash and knowing that summer watermelon is right around the corner – delicious.

It’s a fertile time to plant seeds, whether the sowing is for the purpose of enjoying juicy tomatoes or scattering the seeds of desire.

Setting intentions runs on a quarterly cycle for me – the beginning of the year, spring, start of the school year (an excuse to buy “school supplies”- pens and notebooks are a guilty pleasure).

I don’t know about you, but I can lose focus on some of my goals and intentions. Whether I become busy, fearful or lazy, I may forget – this ritual of revisiting what’s most important every 90 days helps me advance towards my goals.

Last week I led a Spring Fling with the staff at the Decatur Recreation Center. This event provided inspiration and a clear focus for them to be their best for each other and the community.

We had a blast!photo(1)

After revisiting the mission of the City of Decatur, each person chose 3 values to focus on. I invited them to ponder what they wanted from putting their attention on these intentions.

The overriding answer was working more closely as a team, including respect and commitment.

The most fun part – actually planting seeds in pots they decorated with their values and intentions – a living structure for them as they move through their busy day.

What intentions would you like to plant during this fertile time? What would you like to achieve this quarter in your career, your finances, with your family, your fun time?

If you want to enjoy the blossoms of your seeds of intention, try this simple at-home Spring Fling ritual.

  1. Choose 1-3 “seeds” that you want to plant. You can literally plant seeds to nurture or post these intentions on your bulletin board – choose what resonates with you. These intentions could be:

* having fun with everything you do,

*deepening connections with 3 business colleagues or

*not working past 5 PM.

  1. Water them with your attention. This is the most important part. Giving your “seeds” attention will help them come to fruition. If you don’t water a plant, what happens? It withers, and eventually dies.
  2. You may need to do some “weeding” every now and again by clearing out negative thoughts, people and habits that stifle your growth. Weave in some inspirational reading and spend time with people that energize and inspire you. This gives you the space and freedom to blossom fully.

This process will feed your spirit and allow you move closer to achieving the goals and intentions that you want. For the sake of your delicious life, plant your seeds, water and enjoy the fruits of your labors.

Share the seeds that you are planting below.